Chai, Coincidence, and Gratitude

I started my day on the rooftop, as many people here do, having chai and reading about how friendliness is only possible when labels & identities aren’t attached to a person. Without labels & identities we can relate to a person without looking through our own idea of who they are. Truth isn’t information. It is an experience. My experiences here in India continuously teach me that the information we think is true about the people in this country, in many ways, isn’t.
Yes, I am obviously labeled a foreigner, and that implies many different things to Indians about me, but I am experiencing many Indians that have a greater capacity than I do to relate to me as a person, not as an idea. I’m beginning to see that there are more givers here than takers, more opportunities than challenges, and more friends than foes. The idea of cheerful, compassionate, friendliness isn’t just a notion here. It’s a way of life.
I told my Dad a few weeks ago that I didn’t want to be so guarded that I missed opportunities for genuine interaction and friendship as I traveled. What I have found is that the more I welcome moments with a relaxed heart and feeling of gratitude, the more my life is filling up with amazing people and exactly the moments that were always meant to be.
I decided to get a pedicure this afternoon before the wedding. India is hard on one’s feet and a pedicure here is only about $1.00. My friend Robert told me about a salon his friend went to so I decided to go there. On my way I stopped to talk to a friend in the street and he told me his sister’s friend owned a shop even closer than the one I was walking to, and that he would walk me there. (By salon I mean a small room with a sign on the door that says “Women Only”) After a few minutes inside a beautiful Indian woman walks in and I notice the henna tattoos on her hands and feet that signify that she is getting married, so I ask her if she will have a wedding soon. She tells me that she is actually there to have her make-up done for her reception that is a few hours away. (In India they have a huge reception 3 days before the wedding). We talk about the groom and how she thinks he is good now but wonders what he will be like in a few years, as she changes into the most bejeweled and exquisite party dress I have ever seen. She gets out a big box from the jeweler and shows me all the different parts of the jewelry (fit for I princess) she will wear to the party. This leads me to ask her what color of bangles would be appropriate with the outfit I had made to wear to the wedding party I would be attending the same night. She is happy that I get to go to a wedding and asks me where it is. I told her that I have no idea as I was invited by a friend who was invited by another friend. During our conversation about my bangles one of her friends came in to check on her progress. They have a conversation in Hindi and then she tells me to go with her friend Asha who will take me to the bangle shops to help me pick out bangles like Indian women would wear. Asha took me to 3 different shops….I have bigger hands than most Indian women and every time we find the right colors they are too small. I think Asha feels bad that I am going to such a fancy event without bangles and offers to give me a henna tattoo for some decoration on my hands. Asha took me home with her, introduced me to her family and then set me down in a chair in her living room. Without sketching, or planning it out, she gives me a lovely, intricate, bad-ass henna tattoo that completely covers my hand and all five fingers.

When she is finished she tells me to sit for a minute and let it start to dry as she retrieves a bag from her closet. In the bag are her bangles. She selects 4 and takes my left hand and begins putting them on my wrist as she is telling me that they are a gift to me from her. I sit there in awe once again at the generosity and friendliness of yet another complete stranger-come-friend-quickly. I’m quickly learning that this isn’t an exception, but a rule. I smiled when she tells me they are gift, knowing that I will always treasure them and think of these moments with gratitude. As I leave to get changed for the wedding we make plans to visit tomorrow and I say good-bye.

Then I ride on the back of a motorcycle in my fancy clothes with a complete stranger (but a friend of Roberts) through the narrow streets of Udaipur, weaving around pedestrians, cows, and rickshaws. I think of the girls I met in Jaipur and smile. Yesterday I thought about how much fun they must have had riding a motorcycle like that. Today I got to experience it.

The wedding turns out to be a reception with at least 300 Indians and two foreigners- Robert and I. People smile and welcome us with friendly greetings and a quick glance at my very Indian attire as we make our way through the crowd to see the bride and groom. I’m sure you have already guessed that it is the women from the salon! As I am standing with Robert marveling at the complete and total beauty of the women and their clothes I feel a hand on my arm and turn to be greeted by the big smile of the salon owner who had done my pedicure. We talk for a moment and then head over to the buffet tables to have another delicious Indian meal. The only thing I ask the buffet attendants is whether it is all vegetarian before I fill my plate with chickpea curry and several other things that I still have no clue as to what it was- besides fantastic food! It reminded me of a time in Sri Lanka when I realized I had no idea what I was eating but decided I didn’t care because it was just too damn good. We walk around talking to people, remarking how startled very small children seem to be when they look at us, when Asha walks up with a huge smile on her face. She checks on my henna tattoo, reminds me not to wash my hand until tomorrow, and then makes sure we have had plenty to eat. We had no idea we were going to the same wedding party when we met earlier!
Between this moment and leaving with Asha and her family and friends I also have a very long conversation with a group of young people (ages 8-19) and eventually a few of their parents. One family invited me to come to their town 165km from Udaipur to stay with them for awhile- and I think I will.

I tell Robert on the way home how grateful I feel. If I had been operating in fear and with judgment in the salon I would have missed out on these wonderful people that came into my life today. The friendliness and ability of people here to simply accept me, and invite me into their lives and homes amazes me. In America we have so many ways of excluding people and separating ourselves from them. I didn’t know until I arrived at the wedding they were all Brahmin caste (the highest you can be) but Asha knew I am 40 and unmarried- virtually unheard of here- The point is that the only thing I considered was how friendly these people were to me, and the only thing they think about is being friendly. It’s strange that I came here to save them, because they are the ones that are saving me.

Sammasati. Remember that you are a Buddha.